You've given me No Choice
by Anyabella
Summary: On the run to protect those she loves. Bella finds herself facing a fiery redhead. Just when she knows it is over she is saved by unknown vampires with an even more unexpected tie to her life. When a turn of events forces her to face her past will she make the sacrifice to make her new family happy? ALTERNATE NEW MOON. It's been done, but please read. New Twists
1. Running

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

That one thing you can't choose,  
That one thing you can't pick,  
That one thing you can never lose,  
That one thing, you can never trick,

It's not your choice,  
It's picked for you,  
There's no dice,  
It's not up to you,

Jodie Louise Pollock

Prologue

Mom and Dad had gathered around looking for answers. I had backed myself into the wall in my panic. I was trying to find the words to calm them, to calm myself but before I could express anything we heard the quiet noise of fast approaching vampires. Mom and dad stood in front of me, trying to protect me from the incoming threat. I felt my muscles tighten and I protected them the only way I knew how.

Chapter One: Running

Each breath I took hurt my chest but I could not take the time to hold myself together. I had to force myself to keep moving one foot in front of the other. I knew what I was doing was going to cause pain to those who cared for me and destroy all the relationships I had managed to hold onto but I also understood that I had been given no choice. Once again my choices were taken from me. I would do whatever it took to keep the people I cared about safe. I had been at my breaking point as I waited for Laurent or Victoria to come for me so when Jacob had first told me that he and his pack had defeated Laurent and that Victoria was still coming, I fell apart, it was too much. I collapsed and let the misery and anxiety take me. The vampires that I once thought were mine and would protect me were not here, and were not coming back to save me this time and even though Jacob's pack felt obligated to protect the dreary town of Forks, I would not allow them to die for me. I would not allow my best friend with misplaced affection, to face the fiery redhead. I would not allow my parents to be in the cross-hairs of Victoria's retaliation. She was here to avenge her mates' death, she was not going after the Cullen's. This was a mate for a mate, she did not know that Edward had changed his mind and had gotten bored with me.

Jacob had not let me out of his sight as he told the pack what I had told him about Victoria. It was as I sat there listening to how they would use this new information to plan, I started to devise a plan of my own. I had to make sure that Victoria believed I was out of the area and I had to make sure that Charlie would not be able to follow me either. I knew I could not stop him from trying but I knew to keep them safe I had no choice. Maybe someday I would be able to make contact or see them again and maybe not, but to keep them alive this was what I had to do. I wanted to be upset about this but could not bring myself to be, hadn't I already decided that this would be my fate before he took that future with him because I was given no choice.

No choice, he had decided this on his own. We were supposed to be partners, but he decided this on his own. He decided to leave me. I would never choose that. He thought I would move on, love again but I don't see it that way. Did he honestly think I could love or even tolerate someone else? It is not his fault, he did not love me anymore, and I had to accept what is. He decided to remove himself from me but he will always have a part of me. My heart had left with him. I knew I couldn't live without him, there was no other way see it. He choose to live without me, and I could never choice that, but I had been given no choice.

As soon as Jacob left the house I went into action. First priority, Charlie could not know something was happening. So I went into the kitchen and started dinner for Charlie just like every other day. Once it was started I made my way to my bedroom. I knew the pack would start watching my house tonight and from now on I would only have brief moments without a guardian and I would need to make each of them count. At least they could not see into the future at what I was planning. At my quick comparison, my heart throbbed but I could not think about them now. I took my suitcase from under my bed and moved to my closet, instead of taking my clothes that Charlie may notice missing before or to quickly after my departure, I took the clothes Alice had given me that I had shoved in the back of my closet, accidentally letting these thoughts slip in I wanted to take the time to hold myself together as the pain these thoughts always caused hit me but I did not have time, I shoved the clothes into my bag then looked at my shoe options. I grabbed a pair of ballerina flats and sandals and left the rest of the death traps there. I shoved everything back into my closet so that nothing looked disturbed.

As I tried to stuff my suit case back under my bed it caught on a loose floor board and pried it up. Even though I needed to move quickly to get the bag under the bed and finish making Charlie's dinner, when I saw a CD in its hiding spot, I stopped my rush. I picked up the CD that I recognized right away as the one He had given me on my birthday. Under the CD was the airline tickets as well as the stack of photos that he never mailed to my mom along with the ones from my scrapbook. I could already fill the tears streaming down my face but I did not have time to ponder why He left these in my room or look at the proof I had desperately hoped to find for so long that proved he was once in my life. I gulped in air not realizing I was holding my breath and quickly removed all of my new treasure, I would think about it later, and shoved it in my suitcase replaced the board and shoved all of it under my bed. Then I ran downstairs to remove the potatoes and fish I had broiling.

I was just finishing the salad to go with dinner when Charlie came in. The fact that I had been crying did not go unnoticed, but he did not draw attention to it either. It was hard for both of us to discuss our feelings openly and I hope that held out. As we sat eating I realized that this was the last dinner we might ever share and I could not help the few tears that slipped out.

I wanted to tell Carlie so much but knew if I started he would figure out more was going on so I settled on a quiet "Thank you."

Charlie patted my hand and tried to give me a smile but it came out like a grimace. "Anytime." He whispered back. With those simple words, we expressed the love between us. I instantly hated that my next actions would decimate what was left of our relationship.

After I finished washing the dishes, I quickly told me father good night and tripped running up the stairs before I could break into tears. I heard my father chuckle and was glad that he would have a good memory of my final time around him. When I returned to my room I continued working on my plan to lure Victoria away from the ones I love. I knew her ability to find me was going to focus greatly on my scent and I had no hope of eliminating it completely but I wanted her as far away from my father's home as possible, so as I went into my room I knew I wanted to weaken the scent. I crossed the room and opened my window, it squeaked with the months of no use. The pain of why it had not been used ripped at my chest, but I needed to use that pain to force myself to continue working.

I grabbed a note book from my back pack and began writing letters to those who I cared about. First to Renee, to tell her how much I loved her. That I knew Phil was wonderful for her and would take care of her. I asked her to carry on with her life, to enjoy herself. I told her I needed to find myself and that I would be okay.

My second letter was to Jacob. I did not know if someone else would read this letter so I only apologized for running and did not mention our other secrets. I let him know I would never be whole and could never care for him the way he did for me. I asked him to not think of me that way and to begin to look for a girl who could love him with her whole heart and not just what was left of it. I thanked Jacob for being my personal sun in my months of darkness. I asked Jacob not to look for me. This was for me to deal with.

My next letter was to Charlie, I thought it would kill me to write to him but I had to force myself to finish what I started. If I didn't I would always be worrying if she was coming for me and if he  
would pay the ultimate sacrifice. I finally opened up to my father. I thanked him for letting me live here with him, for letting me get to know him, for loving me in his own quiet way. I thanked him for putting up with me in these last months of struggles as well as for the time I ran to Phoenix. I apologized for not being a better daughter and for all the grief I had put him through. Then I  
begged him to not try to look for me. I told him, much like Renee that I needed to find myself. I needed time alone to work through things. I insisted that I was an adult and this is what I needed to do. Like my other letters I did not give false hope of contact or a timeline for  
returning. I wanted him to be safe I did not want to hurt him but I knew this was the only way for me to go.

I quickly wrote two identical letters to Victoria one I would leave at my house and the other at the Cullen's. I quickly let her know that I knew she was after me. I let her know I had cut all ties to the mere mortals of my life. As my anger took over I taunted her. I told her if she wanted her  
vengeance, her prize, she would have to find me. I told her that only a good tracker like her James could find me but oops he was unable to help her. I challenged her to come for me alone. I finished by offering her good luck.

The last letter was the hardest even if it was the shortest. It was to Ed-him. I asked if he ever found my letter and Charlie was still around, even if he never cared for me, please watch out for him. It hurt because I did not leave Forks because that would be agreeing that it was over  
and now I had no choice. I had the proof in my lullaby and the pictures that we once happened but I was finally saying good-bye to where we happened. I was saying good-bye to them, to him.

I wanted Victoria to find my letter outside my house. I did not want her to come in and make a snack of anyone in my home. As I paced my room I stubbed my toe, no big shock there that I could hurt myself, on the end of my bed and when the little streak of blood came I realized I could make my scent strong with my blood and hide it outside. The blood would make it potent and she would go to it. I dabbed both of her letters on my foot as I took deep breaths through my mouth willing myself not to be sick. After I bandaged my toe. I leaned out my window and found a perfect little crack under my window in which to hide the letter.

As I climbed into bed to try to get some rest, I tossed and turned full of anxiety but I knew I would have to wait to put the next phase of my plan into action. I would need energy to keep going and as I began to drift off to sleep I idly wondered which of the pack was playing babysitter tonight. Did they see me place my letter, I hopped not. I would only get one chance at this if they figured out my plan I would be stuck. So I only have a couple of hours tomorrow of sunlight when no vampires would be out and between patrols and guard change to slip away. I had to make it count.


	2. About to take Flight

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. The rest is mine.

Out of the night that covers me,  
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,  
I thank whatever gods may be  
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance  
I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
Under the bludgeonings of chance  
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
Looms but the Horror of the shade,  
And yet the menace of the years  
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,  
How charged with punishments the scroll.  
I am the master of my fate:  
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus - William Ernest Henley

Chapter 2: About to take Flight

When I woke I could hear Charlie getting ready as he did every Sunday morning to go fishing with Billy Black. I took a quick shower and then returned and began cleaning my room. Staying in the room until he left to prevent myself from breaking down in front of him. I wanted to say good bye but I was not sure if I could do it without alerting him to my distress.

"I'll see you later." Charlie yelled up the stairs to me.

"Bye dad." I replied. Adding "I love you." in a whisper.

As soon as he was gone. I took my personal bag and shoved into my back pack and lifted my suitcase from under the bed. I took the remaining letters and shoved them in my purse along with my wallet and the money I kept hidden in my sock drawer.

I left my suitcase and purse by the door and took my back-pack into the kitchen. I loaded it with items I could snack on, that had only been for me and would be a reminder to Charlie. In an attempt to further eliminate my smell I opened every window in the house, hoping the neighbors would think I was trying to air it out. I then took the note pad from the counter and left Charlie a note, 'Gone to clear my head. I love you, Dad.' Grabbing all of my bags and moving as quickly as I could without tripping I ran to my truck. I threw the suitcase in the back and jumped into the front. Going as fast as my truck would go I drove to the Cullen home. After my last trip I did not think I would return but like many things today I would force myself for the safety of those I love.

I knew when I walked in it would nearly kill me to see everything gone. I tried the front door first but as I thought it was secured. I walked around to the door by the kitchen while looking for something to break the window. I hated the idea of breaking anything of the families that I once thought I would belong too, but Victoria would surely do it and I needed to place my letters. As I bent down to pick up a stone I noticed the security panel. I tried several combinations. I tried everyone in the families' date of birth. I tried the years they were born and the years they were turned. Nothing I tried worked. I once again resolved myself to breaking the window when I decided to try again. I pressed zero, nine, one, and three, to say I was surprised that it worked would be an understatement. The door unlocked and the alarm deactivated.

I entered the home and realized that they had left all the furniture in the home. It looked as if someone one could still live here if needed and I would have but this would be the first place that everyone would check. As I looked around I noticed the small things that were gone. The little details that make a house a home. I wanted to take time to miss my lost family but the pack could be here anytime.

I knew I did not want Victoria to find the letter I wrote him so I went to the closet hoping there would be something there I could use to mask my scent. I pulled out a coat of Esme's that was no doubt a prop and probably not needed somewhere else they might live. As I put the coat on I noticed a pack back sitting on the floor with an envelope with my name on it. I wanted to rip it open and see what was left for me but there was not enough time for that now.

I took my letter for Edward and headed up to the third floor, I would place my letter in the drawer in his en-suite that I used when I stayed the night. It was the only place in the house that was just mine or at least they had let me believe it was. When I was outside the door, I could feel my body shaking. Looking at his room and seeing just the items that did not mean anything to him left behind was going to hurt. When I opened the door I gasped, it felt like all of the oxygen in my lungs had been sucked away. There everything sat, his music, his journals, even the picture of him and his parents. Why had he left it all behind? Was he so desperate to get away from me that he could not take the time. Wouldn't the family have taken it for him? It made no sense. Looking at everything in its place, I wanted to sit on the couch and listen to music. I wanted to pretend that it was the wonderful summer again when he and I would sit here together for hours. Without him I did not want to live now let alone for eternity, I could wait her and pretend until she came for me and been happy but I had promised him and the pack will send someone to look for me and I would have failed. I took a deep breath and quickly went to the bathroom placed my letter. I grabbed the picture of Edward as I hurried back downstairs careful not to trip, there was no one here to catch me like there had been in the past. I had to get out of the house before I fell apart and stayed here forever.

I knew I only had a short amount of time before Jake noticed I was not home and notified Charlie something was up. I returned the coat to the closet, grabbed the backpack with my name on it, and placed the letter to Victoria on the coffee table. Before I exited out the back door and relocked the house. I quickly made it to the truck and was going to start driving when I decided I needed to at least look at the letter. Someone had placed it there for me. I don't know when but right now I could use any help I could find.

I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to see the beautiful handwriting of my lost beloved or the cute script of my best friend. I did not recognize the writing right off and was dumbfounded when the signature revealed it was written by Jasper. Why would Jasper write to me? When did he do this?

_Dearest Bella_

I prepared this bag for you with the hope that you may never need it. Since you are reading this letter I am truly sorry we are not with you at this time and hope that we will find a way to help you. Alice says she cannot see a future right now where you would need this but it makes me feel better knowing it is here.

First I want to apologize for my actions on your birthday that set our current circumstances in motion. I wish I had better control of my thirst and you were not harmed. I know it is your nature to forgive and you did not hold it against me as soon as it was over. But you need to know how truly guilty I feel for everything.

Second, in this bag I have placed a few things that you may need. I have placed some money and again I know you would not like that but I feel better knowing you have the funds to help you on this adventure. Please take it? I also placed spare identifications that I had created during spring break. We luckily did not need them then but maybe you will find them useful now.

Lastly I have included a set of keys to an old truck of mine. It is in storage just outside of the Houston airport. The address is in the bag. I know you will like the truck, nothing as ostentatious as you are used to seeing us in.

Remember Bella "Family does not give up on family."

Yours Truly

Jasper

I was no longer part of that family and it hurt to be reminded of that but I did not have time to think about any of this, like many other things I had seen today. However, I would take whatever help I could get and I placed the letter back in the bag and started my truck.

As I drove away from the Cullen home I tried to decide how I would confuse my trail. First I needed to make it hard for Charlie to track me down. I know even though I asked him not to he would look for me.

I needed to confuse my scent trail as well. If I was going to live for any real length of time I needed to make it hard for Victoria to find me as well. I knew if I got in a vehicle my scent trail would be hard to follow but that did not give me much hope at losing her.

Knowing my truck would not get me far and would be easy to track I decided to drive to the Port Angeles bus station. Once there I went to one ticket booth and purchased a ticket to Vancouver, Canada. I then went to a different window and purchased a ticket to Portland, Oregon. This would make it difficult for Charlie to know where to begin his search.

I then went out to the bus yard and claimed to have left my back pack on the bus upon my arrival just a couple of hours ago. I walked up and down each bus that would allow me to look for my lost bag. I knew when I was done I had left me scent on at least a dozen buses.

I returned to my truck and called a cab. While I waited I pulled out the airline tickets from my birthday and called the airline. I asked if I could redeem the tickets for a location other than the original purchase and if they were transferable. As long as I was able to pay the transfer  
fees, I could do as I see fit with the tickets. With that in mind I dug into the back-pack Jasper had prepared for me and took the first set of ID's I could find.

I pulled out the new identity of Annabella Marie Hale. I was touched that Jasper had made me his sister but did not have time to dwell on it. I told the woman on the line Annabella would pay the fees when she picked up the new ticket at the window. I let her know that I wanted to trade both tickets for a one way ticket to London.

Set to leave the Seattle Airport, I would leave in a little more than three hours and have only  
one lay over. Then I would be leaving the country. I was not sure where I was going and right now I just wanted the greatest distance between me and the ones I loved.

I briefly thought of trying to find my - his vampire family but I knew they would not want me. I thought of looking for their cousins in Denali but they would know that the family did not want me as well and would not want to be bothered by a human. The only other vampires I knew how to find were the Volturi and I though I cared little for my life and knew they cared even less I would not risk theirs. I would not let the rulers know that they had let a human know and left them alive.

As soon as the cab arrived I loaded my bags in the back with me and left the keys to my truck, my cell phone, and the remaining letters in the glove box. I locked up the truck and got in the cab without a backwards glance.

During the drive to the airport I was anxious, my eyes darting around convinced someone would be following me, Victoria, the pack, or worse Charlie. With nothing to occupy me for the two hour drive I was left to my paranoia. Surely someone from the pack had arrived at my home, with the windows open and my truck gone they would have alerted Sam. Jacob would have started looking for me. He would have been able to have someone in the pack get to Charlie to let him know I was missing as well. They would be starting the search. I was not sure if Charlie would see my note and give it time or if he would panic. I hoped my little tricks would slow them down. I did not know how long it would take them to locate my truck or if they would follow my false leads. I wasn't sure how long it would take Charlie to call in favors from surrounding police agencies. Not knowing how any of this worked I just hoped that I would be able to get off the ground before someone recognized me.

When I arrived at the airport I realized I needed to move some things around in my luggage to avoid questioning. I hid in a small corner of the airport. I took what seemed like an adequate amount of cash for my international trip and stuffed the rest in my suitcase that I would check in. I didn't want the amount of cash Jasper left me to be seen through the x-ray, I would be stopped. I replaced my true identification with Annabella's and then shoved the extra set and my originals in the suitcase as well. I took some of the snack food I had packed and placed it in my new bag, it looked like it could handle travel better than my old beat up one. I placed Jasper's letter in my bag and considered placing the CD and pictures in the new backpack as  
well but I could not afford a break down on an airplane, so they remained in my suitcase. I stuffed my old bag between an old set of metal chairs and the wall. Then with my purse, new backpack, and suitcase Annabella went to the ticket  
counter.

Due to the drive and the need to arrange my luggage, there was not enough time for panic to truly set in. Once I was checked in I had to move quickly to board the plane. I would be able to plan the next leg of my adventure as Jasper put it, during the four hour flight.


	3. Detours

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

YET, yet, ye downcast hours, I know ye also;  
Weights of lead, how ye clog and cling at my ankles!  
Earth to a chamber of mourning turns-I hear the o'erweening, mocking  
voice,  
Matter is conqueror-matter, triumphant only, continues onward.

YET, yet, ye downcast hours – Walt Whitman

Chapter 3: Detours

My first decision was made. I was headed to London. I was not sure what I would do when I got there. When I had dreamed of traveling to England in the past I had a list of things that I would do. The Literary Tours, which took you to famous sites throughout famous works had been something I had always wanted to do. I had wanted to see the London Underground and Hyde Park.

When I thought about it, I knew I could not out run a vampire forever. They had all the time and none of the pesky human needs I did. My goal had never been to outrun her for long but long enough to make sure no one else I loved got hurt. So would it hurt me to see what ever part of the world I could before she found me? I could travel in crowded places during the sunny weather and hide away when she could move freely.

So as I sat on the plane contemplating my next move I realized I did not have enough information to really make any set plans. I had selected London because there was no need to know an additional language. I would just be another American tourist. So, really I my plan would be to find a hotel and then work from there.

Thinking about what I would do once the plane landed did not take enough time and my mind was drawn to everything I had shoved from my mind during my run from Forks. Why had he placed all of my gifts under the floorboard? 'It will be like I never existed.' Then why was the proof in my house? Why did he leave everything? I was not important, Forks wasn't important. Why leave it there? Why had Jasper felt like he needed to leave me a get a way bag? Why was my birthday the security code to the house? Alice had not seen a future where I needed the bag but I sure has hell did.

Thinking of Alice I wondered was she seeing my future now. Would she know I was on the run? Would she know I needed their help? Would they want to help me, when he didn't want me? They knew he was leaving when the bag was left did that mean they would still help me?

What did Jasper mean by "Family does not give up on family."? Did they see me as family if he didn't? Was that why my birth date was the door code? Or was it like that because they knew I would be in danger? It hurt to think they knew I may be in danger and still left me. I could not think like that or I would fall apart now. Maybe I wasn't family but surely they would not leave knowing one of their kind was after me.

I could feel my breath becoming in shallow and I was beginning to get dizzy. I needed to focus on something else, this train of thought would lead to a break down and I needed to remain calm and I needed to be ready for anything, until I was off this plane I would not feel like my plan had been successful. I tried to focus on the inflight movie. I played with my iPod. I did everything I could think of to not think of what lay before me and of them but nothing kept me for long. I needed to be out of this plane, being confined was not helping. The worst part was knowing my next leg of the flight would be longer.

The plane finally landed and I scrambled to get my luggage and make it to the international terminal to make the connecting flight. If I was lucky I would have time to grab a book at one of the many gift shops. As I was waiting in line I occupied myself with my new passport memorizing any changed information, trying to contain anxiety, convinced someone would recognize me or catch me in my lies. The wait dragged on and I tried to act casual appearing to watching CNN, while my eyes scanned the area over and over. I caught off guard when out of the corner of my eye I saw the picture on the screen change to the last school picture I had taken in Phoenix. CNN had been looking at local news across the nation and Charlie had already reported me as missing. My breath caught in my throat and I could hear my blood pounding in my ears.

I could not continue to my flight. I needed to get out of this airport and away from those monitors who told everyone around I was on the run. I quickly exited the line and headed for the nearest set of doors. With the first stroke of luck since I started I walked right out into the cab bank. I jumped in the first available cab and thanks to Charlie the only thing I knew about in Chicago was Wrigley's Field so that is exactly what I told the cab driver "Take me to the field."

I was not sure what I would do once he left me there but I would figure it out. At this point I was not really making decisions. I was doing the best with what was thrown at me. We arrived at the field and I paid the driver and waited for him to leave. I was tired, the lack of sleep last night, the running, and the anxiety I was feeling was all taking a toll on me. I looked across the street to a McDonald's, I was not hungry but I knew I needed to keep my strength and wits about me so I decided I would get lunch and figure out a new plan. I would not be going into an airport anytime soon so London was out of the question. The next destination would be the pick up truck Jasper left me, but I needed to rest.

After eating I began to walk down Clark Street which seemed to have the most on it and be the most crowded. I could blend in. Once I got a few blocks down I saw a posh hotel and as relaxing as it sounded I did not want to stay somewhere expensive. I continued on when I finally found a Days Inn and went to see if they had any availability. I was in luck and checked into a room for 3 days. By then I would have to determine how I would get to Houston.

I made it to my room. After making sure the door was locked. I crawled into the middle of the bed exhausted and cried myself to sleep.

I woke sometime early the next morning surprised that I had slept through the night without having a single nightmare. Since they left, I had been plagued with nightly reminders of the family and love I would never find. I was stiff and a little disoriented. It was hard to believe less than 48 hours ago, I had been wallowing in my misery and barely interacting with the people around me. Now that I had to leave them I wish I had spent more time being involved. I was not ready to face the world yet and so I took some of the pop tarts from my bag. As I ate I retrieved the letter from Jasper, the CD, and the pictures. I re-read the letter still not sure of the meanings behind it and it only started me on the same mind numbing circle of questions I could not answer yesterday on the plane. I spread the pictures from the envelope around the bed. I avoided the ones that would hurt the most and started looking at the ones taken at Forks High.

Not that I was terribly close to the other students but I had made good acquaintances. I could not say that I would miss Jessica or Mike but I would miss what they had, what they represented. I would miss Angela she had been my one really true friend, she did not abandon me while I existed in my zombie phase. The others I would not miss enough to even think about.

Next I looked at the pictures of my lost families. Alice had taken a few before the horrible ending of my party that allowed me to have pictures of everyone in the Cullen family. She managed to get a picture of each couple as they waited for me in the family room. My heart clinched and tears started to fall as I looked at these photos. Seeing Esme, my would be mother, that mothered me more than my mom ever had. Wrapped in the arms of Carlisle who had tended to me more than anyone. I let out a small giggle when I saw Emmett with his huge grin that was so childlike in his excitement. Rosalie was just as distant as usual but I had not expected anything different. I was almost sure she was happy that I was not a threat to her family anymore. I looked at Jasper who looked so calm and happy next to Alice. They were perfect for each other, they balanced each other. This Jasper looked nothing like the Jasper that came for me just a few minutes later.

Then I looked at my best friend and the tears I had tried to keep at bay flowed freely now. The cute Pixie had been so happy to plan a party for me and I had been nothing but difficult. I never thanked her for any of it. I was so worried about aging that I never saw what she was trying to do. If I ever saw her again I would have to say thank you a thousand times. I missed Alice.

Then I looked at the picture of Charlie. I knew that now I had hurt him greatly and he would not forgive me if I ever returned. I never wanted to hurt Charlie but it seems that I have done that over and over again since I moved in with him.

I could not regret the decision to move to Forks. If I had not I would not have ever really known the real Charlie. I would not have become best friends with Alice or Jacob. And even though I it hurt to even think of him now, I would never met_ him_. I would never have known what true love was. It didn't matter that I had none of that now. I was one of the lucky ones who once had it all.

With that thought I pulled out all of the pictures of Edward. As I looked at his pictures I let myself think about him and it ripped the edges of the hole in my chest anew. I looked at every detail, my dreams and delusions had not done him justice. My memory had not captured how truly beautiful he was. Looking at his picture it was not hard to understand why he had gotten bored of me. Lastly I looked at the picture I had taken from his room. It was the picture of him and his parents. Even in black and white you could tell how truly beautiful he was and where he had gotten it from. I briefly wondered if things would have been different or if he would still have left me if we met when he was human. Then again what would I have been doing in Chicago then? That was the first time I realized that I was in same town that my Edward had been born.

I put the CD in the radio provided by the hotel and was immediately surrounded by the sounds of my lullaby. I clutched the pictures of Edward to my chest and began to sob uncontrollably as I lay there with the proof that once, we were something.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because I woke-up as the sun was going down. I had taken a day to grieve for both the families and lives I had lost and now I needed to start moving on.


	4. New Home

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

A/N:

Thank you to all of you who have followed or favorite-d me. Thank you for the positive reviews. It is very gratifying when others enjoy something I find joy and peace in.

My plan is to post one or two chapters every week but since I have a hectic schedule I will not promise on what day that will be done.

And….Since people have asked and been so nice – Yes there will be a Cullen POV chapter coming up and periodically throughout.

In the darkness of my own new home  
I feel scared sometimes and always alone  
I hear every noise that you don't listen for  
I hear a spider upon the walls  
I listen as it slowly crawls  
I hear the tap drip, drip & drip  
And I tell myself to get a grip  
I am scared to walk upon the floors  
Not knowing what's behind all the doors  
I feel the peace creep up on me  
Not knowing how long day will be  
I listen for noises I am so used to  
My little brothers and what they used to do  
The noise early in the morning is there no more  
Believe it or not these wee things I now do adore  
I don't like living by myself but it will do me good  
At the time that's how I felt well I thought it would  
I thought that it would be easy for me  
But I'd never known this is how it would be  
I sit upon the chairs that don't feel the same  
I sit upon the bed and think of my shame  
I cook some food but only for one  
Wonder why I am all alone  
I sit sometimes and cry to go home  
I hate the feeling of being alone  
I hate the silence that surrounds me  
And I think to my where I should really be  
I just need to learn to adapt to my new home  
Sometimes it's good to be alone  
In the darkness of my new home

In the darkness of my own new home STEPHANIE MCGRATH

Chapter 4 – New Home

I ventured down to the lobby in search of two things, real food and the internet. I was in luck, there was a Jimmy John's off the lobby. I approached the counter and ordered a number twelve - the Beach Club. It had been my favorite in Phoenix and it had been a long time since I had had one. I sat there as they prepared to close and enjoyed my sandwich and lemonade.

For a few brief moments I wanted to pretend that I was just a regular person out on a road trip. I was here to see the sights and see what Chicago had to offer, but my thoughts would not let me.

After eating I found that the hotel provided computers where guests could access the internet in the main lobby. I logged in and tried to decide my next course of action. I would need a plan for getting to Houston. However since I was not sure if I would be forced to see him and feel his rejection I did not have the will to push myself to go there right now. I knew I would not stay in one area for too long but I had already decided I could risk staying in each place for a little while when I was destined for London so why not stay here for a while. I did not have any places that I wanted to see here, but I could wait to move on.

Really I knew that they could see me and if they wanted to help it would be a good place to find me but I was not sure if I was ready to see them, see him. The rational side of me said I should hurry there in case they were there, they could protect me. The broken part of me would be devastated if they were not there and I could not imagine the pain of seeing the family again and losing them when the threat was gone, of seeing him and knowing he did not want me. As the searing pain ripped through my chest, my decision was made.

If I could, I would lay low for a little while. I would wait and I would no longer be news except for in the small town. I knew my next destination would be Houston to pick up the truck that Jasper left me but I would hide here for a little while before I headed there. At some point I would have to face the pain and of their absence or rejection but my heart could not take it right now.

I knew I didn't want to stay in the hotel the entire time. Too many people to keep an eye on. I needed somewhere to stay. So the first thing I would look for would be a short term lease. There were several extended stay motels. All of them looked worse than I remember the slums of Phoenix. I didn't need to live somewhere that the human residents might kill me when I was already trying to out run a vampire.

The nicer the place the longer the contract or the higher the price. I didn't know how long I would be running or when I would be able to work again so I needed my money to stretch as far as possible. I had all but given up hope when a small ad caught my eye.

Temp sublet, small one room flat available until the fall. Please no phone calls. If you are interested, email.

This was perfect. I would definitely not be here past summer. No phone call to the owners so they would not see my complete inability to lie. I quickly created a free email account for Annabella and sent my letter of interest. I explained that I was traveling and would be staying for most of the summer but had tired quickly of the hotel scene. I let them know I could pay upfront for it, I did not want to risk them wanting to do a back ground check. I requested to move in the following day. Then returned to my room. I would check it the following morning.

Though I had slept through a good portion of the day. I still felt drained. I grabbed what Alice had purchased in the way of pajamas and headed to the bathroom. Thanks to what felt like an endless supply of hot water. I relaxed in the deep tub for a couple of hours. When I was done I curled up in the middle of the bed, turned on my CD, clutched my photos to my chest, and again cried myself to sleep.

The following morning I headed down for the continental breakfast and the computer banks. Once I was logged in I immediately checked my email. They had approved my request, asked that I come in the evening, and informed me how much to bring for the flat. All of their demands worked for me. It turned out that the flat was the upper level of an ancient brick home in an area that was now called Lincoln Park. I quickly looked at a map of the area, since I still had the hotel room until the next day I would keep everything in my room and check out just before heading to my new place.

I went back to my room, gathered my belongings and then decided since the sun was shining, I would not sit in my room again all day today. I would see what there was to see in my new town. Maybe I would find a store to get a few items. Until I got a vehicle I wanted to travel light but I did not know what the new place would have to offer. I left the hotel headed south in the direction of Lincoln Park. Maybe I could find a couple of places that I could spend my time. Not that I planned to be out much but I would go insane hidden in the room all the time. If I always made sure people were around and I was in by dark I could move about.

As I walked I noted the location of a local grocery store that I could return to on my way back to the hotel. After walking several blocks I came to the Lincoln Park Cultural Center. It looked like a hub of a lot of activity. I wandered around looking at all the things to do, when an exhibit about 'Old Chicago' caught my attention.

It began sometime around 1830 and ended just after World War II. I however was only interested in one era. I quickly walked to the photos of Chicago - Turn of the Century. This is what my Edwards Chicago would have looked like. I read each bit of information thoroughly. I looked at the clothes everyone was wearing. I did not want to miss a detail. I nearly cried as I read how the Spanish Influenza had ravaged the town. One photo during that time really surprised me. It depicted the local hospital that had burnt down with hundreds of victims of the illness. I had never heard about this and wondered if Carlisle knew. They say the arsonist was never found but it had been suspected to be someone who feared the spread of the disease. My curiosity was piqued and I wanted to know more. This was not why I had stayed in Chicago but it was how I would spend my time here. I would find out everything I could about life in my Edward's Chicago and the hospital that was the last place in the city he had stayed.

I left the Cultural Center in the late afternoon, made a quick stop at the store. I was able to buy some necessities, a couple of small blankets and towels, and a little bit of food. I headed to the hotel, called a cab, and checked out. It was time to go to my new home.

I arrived at the old brick home just after sunset. When I paged to get into the building I was met on the dimly lit landing by a very beautiful woman, her name was Beth. She had amazing auburn hair with streaks of bronze. Almost the same color as his. I was struck that her voice sounded almost musical. It felt like maybe it was but she was trying to hide it. I she looked me over closely and I noticed a brief expression of shock when I handed her the money for the flat. It quickly was gone and I assume it was due to someone so young having that amount in cash. Collecting herself, she gave me the keys to my flat, the code to the front door, and a quick list of rules. She informed me that she and her husband were the only other tenants and they took the entire bottom level. I thanked her quickly and headed to my flat.

I knew I was paranoid or going crazy. I was convinced that my new landlord was a vampire. I had to tell myself over and over again that I was letting my imagination get away from me. My human eyesight could not detect anything in the poorly lit entry way. I told myself to relax. I mentally berated myself for letting my fears project on to other innocent people.

As I allowed myself to look around the flat, I was surprised at how lovely it looked, I would have to tell Beth how much I liked it. I was lucky to stumble upon this lease. Fully furnished had included everything; dishes, bedding, towels, it had everything I would need. The entire place was classically decorated with only hints of modern tastes. The small kitchenette was another story. It was very modern, with new appliances, bright colors, and clean lines. In the small sitting area there was an overstuffed deep chair and a bookcase full of books and I was ecstatic that they had what I would consider good taste in literature; Shakespeare, The Bronte Sisters, Jane Austen, the list went on and on. I placed my bags near the bed, grabbed some pop tarts from my backpack, a glass of water and curled up on the overstuffed chair to read. I grabbed their copy of Wurthering Heights and began reading.

I must have fallen asleep while reading, for I woke with a scream, my nightmares of my unending search for him returning. The whole time passages of the book swam in my head.

'If all else perished, and he remained, I should still  
continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe  
would turn to a mighty stranger'. He did remain out there without me and the world was lonely but I continued to be.

'Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! only do  
not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is  
unutterable! I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!' I wasn't living and I was happy with my delusions. He could take any form as long as I did not forget him.

'I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death;  
and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, and since he has  
destroyed mine, I have not power to feel'. I wish I could return to the numb place at times like these but I also knew that being a zombie would not protect me from Victoria.

'I have to remind myself to breathe - almost to remind my  
heart to beat!' The pain of my lost love was always present and I frequently had to catch my breath or hold my chest together.

I stumbled to the bed, again taking Edward's photo from my bag. I sat in the center of the bed and sobbed. I am not sure how long I cried but at some point I again had fallen asleep and it was now mid-day as the sun woke me streaming through the window. I was stiff but I was drained. I had not allowed myself to think of him in so long and now it seemed I couldn't stop myself. I grabbed the one pair of sweats I had packed, one of the only t-shirts Alice had bought me and the shampoo from the hotel and quickly took a shower. When I was done I grabbed the CD from my bag and the last of the pop tarts I had packed. I put the CD in a small stereo and sat on the floor at the foot of the bed. For the next two days I finally let myself breakdown over losing him. When he first left I was able to lock him away and be numb, when I had my first delusion I had been able to control when I thought of him. Now as I have opened the door to my memories I am finally letting the sadness and desolation of his farewell wash over me. I listened over and over to his music. I looked at the photos, sometimes asking them questions; why did you not want me? Where are you? Why aren't you here when I need you? I barely ate. I cried, slept, and cried some more.

On the third day at my new place it was time to gather myself together and do something else. The rest of my life would be spent in pain and fear. I had no job, no school, and no one to speak to. I idly wondered if this would be how the rest of my existence would be until Victoria caught up with me. I could not let me self-wallow in these thoughts. I made the decision to go to the grocery store and the library. I was paid for the month in Chicago and I would use at least that before I headed to Houston unless something happened.

I made my way to the Lincoln Park library where I looked at many books shelved as Chicago Historical references but only found a handful of those that were not based on fiction. I found two that were more informative. One was the adequately named Encyclopedia of Chicago, which took a very clinical look at the history and was devoid of passion. I enjoyed Lost Chicago much more but neither book covered what I was looking for. They gave me pictures of what my Edward's Chicago was like. I saw some of the attire that would have been worn in his day. I briefly wondered what Edward would think of me in something from his era.

Books were not helpful with the information I was looking for. So I used the computers provided and I found countless articles about the disease and how it quickly ravaged the city. It must have been scary to have lived here those last few weeks of his life. Not to mention the tedium of day to day life with the city closing everything with the exception to church and school. It had to be an awful time in the Masen's life.

I then spoke to a librarian and she showed me to a desk with an old microfiche viewer on it. She let me know that these were images of the local newspapers that had not yet been put into their database. I spent some time looking through papers starting mid-summer of 1918. Coming up with nothing on the burned out hospital after a couple of hours I headed to the store for a few more groceries and back to my flat.

For the first week I only went to the library and to grocery store. When I thought of going anywhere else my fear of being found by Victoria would keep me in my safe routine. I took to reading in the small back yard if the weather was at all overcast. I was always home if the weather was vampire friendly. Usually during this time Beth would come out to work on her small garden. Several times when I returned home there would be a basket with some of her harvest. Whenever Beth gardened she wore long sleeve shirts and gloves, mentioning how much she hated being scraped up. She was very sweet and asked how I was liking my stay. She only asked about where I was from and never pressed again when I promptly changed the subject.

I enjoyed the few times she and I ran into each other, I even looked forward to our run ins. She made me not feel so lonely. I knew I would leave soon and I would be alone again, but for those few minutes, someone cared.

The month seemed to fly by and before I knew it an additional three weeks had passed in this same fashion. Three or four days a week would find me walking to the library to spend a few hours reading old newspapers. Then back to my place where I would listen to the music from my CD, I never listened to the radio only the music from my Edward. I would read from the book collection and mope around. At least once or twice a week I would sob uncontrollably for my lost life. I would hold pictures each night and miss my lost family and love.

I had lost faith that I would find any additional information on the burnt down hospital. However going to the library was a distraction from sitting in the apartment. I am not sure why finding information on his time and the hospital consumed me so. I had returned to the Cultural Center hoping to find a date on the fire to find that the Exhibit had been removed. So I continued to read the daily paper from 1918.

Beth POV

In all the time we had leased properties I had never bothered to involve myself in others' lives. I was surprised when this small child had shown up at the door to fill our unit. We did not usually sublet the unit and only used it for guests however we had felt to make sure there was more movement around the home it would be best. She looked travel weary and warn out. My heart instantly wanted to care for her.

Already worried for this girl, I tensed for a second when she handed me the money for the unit but dismissed it. What I sensed could be explained many ways and I was just being over sensitive to the young woman.

She had frightened the both of us when she woke from a sound sleep with a shrill scream and began sobbing. It tore at my heart to hear her cry and I wanted to comfort her. I couldn't understand how someone like her could have gone through that much pain at such a young age.

She tore at my heart as she cried and I couldn't understand what had hurt her so badly that she cried so frequently. In those first couple of days I had wanted to go to her several times as she cried and listened to music. The melodies she listened to were a mix of classics and beautiful original pieces. Even though she would often cry as she listened to them it seemed it was the only thing that soothed her heart.

I had almost gone to her door a number of times to see what I could do, but each time my husband would remind me that we should not get involved and he was right.

I was hopeful the first time she left the apartment that she was on the mend but it was in vain. I was sure this child had no one. Whether or not that was her own doing or not I did not know but she needed someone. I noticed she had taken to reading one overcast day in the back yard near my garden. I quickly prepared myself and headed outside. I made a point when I could to join her. Annabella was very intelligent and respectful, however anytime I tried to guide the conversation to find out more about her she would change the subject or excuse herself. Soon I gave up trying, she did not want anyone to know but I had to believe this child was missed. I knew after almost a month that she had no one. She never called anyone and no one called her. She did not receive mail and I was pretty sure when she ventured out she always went to the same place.

Curious to what she was doing when she was not at home I followed her a couple of times. Only to discover she only went to the library. After the second time I ventured inside to see what she would be doing there? Was she working? Was she contacting people and I really had nothing to worry about? As I watched her I noticed she was looking at historical newspapers from the  
area, they were nearly a hundred years old. I was no closer to knowing what haunted this child, but she was a tortured soul.


	5. The End

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

A/N:

**Again I must say Thank you to all of you who have followed or favorite-d me. Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**Sorry I did not post sooner I will try to have another chapter out in a couple of days. **

**And….As promised the next chapter will be a Cullen POV.**

* * *

Chapter 5 - The End

Nature's first green is gold,  
Her hardest hue to hold.  
Her early leaf's a flower;  
But only so an hour.  
Then leaf subsides to leaf,  
So Eden sank to grief,  
So dawn goes down to day  
Nothing gold can stay.

Nothing Gold Can Stay – Robert Frost

It was hard to believe that it had been a little over a month since I left Forks. When I first ran I was sure I would be dead by now. Since that was not what happened I was becoming more confident that if I kept on the move I would be able to stay a step ahead. Live a little longer and see some of the world. I did not think I would live a long life or full life but I would be able to travel. I would always be looking over my shoulder wondering when it would come to an end. I would just have to make sure no one knew where my next destination would be.

If I was being honest with myself I would let the thought that if I was still long enough Alice would see me and they would come. I had been still long enough, Alice should have been able to find me, they were not coming to help me. I was not family, they had given up on me.

I had wasted weeks researching the Chicago of his youth. I was discouraged and I knew that it had been the one last thing to I could try to feel connected to him. It really had not gotten me anywhere but it had occupied my time. It was time to start thinking about the next move in my adventure. When I went to the library today I would do some research on Houston and the surrounding areas. I would retrieve the truck and move on. I did not plan to stay there. The fact that anyone knew I could be in the area did not sit well with me. If they wanted to intercept me at the truck Alice would see me heading for it and they could wait for me, but I was sure they wouldn't.

After my research, I purchased a one way ticket to Houston for two days from now. Taking no chances I selected a flight that would leave just after sunrise and arrive in Texas with plenty of time to get the truck and check in to a local motel before dark. I would drive for a few hours each day during daylight hours until I reached South Carolina. I had decided that instead of going anywhere it would be easy for Victoria to move around I would stay in the sunnier, busier places. I had first thought of Phoenix but realized for the same reason James believed I would go there, I couldn't. I would have traveled to Florida but Renee was living there and I was not willing to put her in danger.

I had plenty of time to repack and clean the flat. Even though I would not call my existence a life I would miss Chicago. I would even miss Beth but I would not let her know where I was headed and I would never plan to see her again, that was a liability.

I had not been planning to continue my pathetic search for information on his last days but as I was heading out of the library I was stopped by the librarian letting me know she had pulled the next roll of microfiche as soon as she saw me enter. I didn't have the heart to tell her no thanks so I took the roll and started just glancing at the photos in the paper. When it caught my eye, the photo from the exhibit. I greedily read each line of the article, describing how there were so many ill inside and how the doctors and nurses did not have time to evacuate all of the patients. One nurse was quoted as saying "it seemed that the fire started in several locations at once." There had been many patients that had passed that October day and the number of dead versus those that died at the hands of the fire before the Influenza got them would never be known.

My lungs and heart ached as I continued the article and read 'notable Attorney Edward Masen Sr, his wife Elizabeth, and son Edward Jr were just one of the families that the fire had taken. Mr. Masen had been admitted to the hospital a week prior, and his wife and son had fallen ill just three days before the fire. It is believed that both Mr. & Mrs. Masen had already perished and that there son was the only one that would have been trapped in the fire. May we pray that he too had passed before this monstrous event.'

Edward had burnt at that time but not in that fire. I needed to get out of the library. Even though I knew his parents had perished before his change and I knew he was not in that building I still felt horrible. I wanted to mourn for his family. I had come so close to not knowing him at all.

I left the library with my mind in a haze of events I could do nothing about. Things that had happened almost a hundred years before I was born. Consumed by the sadness of his last days. His parents dying and had Carlisle not taken him when he did he would have burned to death. The image that created was too horrific to comprehend. Trapped in my thoughts I was startled form my reverie when a homeless woman grabbed my arm and began shouting at me. It took me a second to focus on what she was saying. "You are the missing girl aren't you?" she exclaimed.

"Pardon me?" I was trying to remain calm on the outside but I was coming unhinged. Someone had found me. Was it Charlie, the pack, or Victoria and how had they found me.

The ladies dirty finger pointed to a flier on a telephone pole that again had my school picture on it. It offered a reward for information regarding my whereabouts.

I could feel my face flush as I turned to the woman. "That is not me." I shouted as I yanked my arm from the person who threatened to expose me. Turning from the crowd that was gathering I hurried down the road as quickly as I could.

As soon as I was out of the sight of the woman I ran as quickly as I could only tripping a couple of times. I needed to get to the flat. Gather my belongings and call a cab. I was not sure who had found me but I had to move quickly. Maybe I could get another flight sooner or somewhere else. I rushed into the flat and in a flurry of activity I grabbed my clothes, the CD, the pictures and shoved them where ever they would fit in my suitcase and backpack. I placed them by the door and went to retrieve the keys to the flat from my purse. I would leave Beth a quick note of apology with extra money for not cleaning.

It was as I was bent over my purse that I heard it. Victoria was sitting on the kitchen counter clicking her tongue. "Vi-Vickie" I stammered as I took her in, at the same time I heard something I had not heard once since I left Forks. My delusion had returned, he was hissing in the back of my mind and I was thankful that I would get to hear him before I left this world. I would not escape with a vampire this close.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. You know you are one troublesome human. You gave me quite the time looking for you. First vampires, then those puppies. You do pick interesting friends. I found your letter by your window Bella, your father is lucky I had already fed. I almost did it out of spite, but really it is you that I wanted." she informed lazily. "It was all over the news that you took a bus and I would have ran after one of those leads except I had to meet a friend at the airport who was going to help me." she chuckled. "Imagine my surprise when I entered the airport and was met with your sweet scent. I began searching and found a bag you discarded. It is funny how people forget all about security and privacy when their lives hang in the balance. I asked around and found you had boarded a plane for London, Annabella. Not very original if you ask me. I wasted a lot of time in England before I figured out your little diversion." She spoke to me patronizingly. "I had tried to get to you many times since your mate took my James but you keep giving me a hard time. I was not sure when the Cullen's would leave you alone long enough for me to find you."

"He is not my mate." I whispered "He left me."

Victoria began laughing. "Is that what he told you. That diet of his must really be making him crazy. He only gets one." she sneered. "Oh well. Then you find a pack of wolves to protect you. They were doing a pretty good job of keeping you safe, too bad they were not so worried about the tourists."

I shivered when I thought about how many people died while she tried to get to me. I had to remind myself that she would have been feeding else where if she hadn't been after me in order to not feel guilty for those who died.

"I wondered why you left your puppies until I realized you found another group of vampires to protect you?" she mused.

Other vampires, what was she talking about. I was alone. I had no one.

"Did your vampires send you to them? Or maybe your crazy mate sent them to protect you." I wanted to cry at her assumptions. No one was there for me. "Its okay, this will all be over before your new vampires can save you."

I did not have time to cry, as soon as Victoria saw the sadness cloud my face she had me against the wall by my neck. She laughed again and told me I would not have to miss him long, just long enough for her to deliver the torture that Laurent had promised. As Victoria taunted me I listened to Edward snarl in my mind.

The first blow was my head being slammed into the wall, then dropping me to the ground. She proceeded to break the same leg James did. I tried to cover up and not scream out in pain but it was a lost cause. I could not help the yelps of pain with each new attack. I did not know how long she planned to keep this up. I only hoped that Beth would not run in here to help me and get herself killed. I now realized this was inevitable, I had allowed myself to fall into a false sense of security in the last few weeks. Convincing myself that I had evaded a vampire. At least I had succeeded a little and no one else needed to be hurt.

Victoria had grabbed my hand and squeezed it slowly and before she even released it, I knew it was crushed. If I lived through this it would be useless to me. Luckily I knew I would not survive. Edward screamed at me to fight back when I made the decision that I would not live through this. But how was I to fight her off, this was it, my life was over, maybe now so would my pain.

My cries had diminished as I had the realization and I quietly let myself listen to Edward. To tell him I love him and to tell him good-bye. My quietness must have upset Victoria, because she decided at that time to lift me by my crushed hand. It was excruciating, but nothing compared to the pain that had taken the place of my heart. She brought me back down on to her knee hard enough that I heard the sound of my bones breaking just before the entire lower half of my body went numb. She had broken my back and some ribs. It was hard to breath and I was fading in and out of darkness and I accepted that it was almost over. My delusion did not agree and he continued to yell at me to "stay awake", "don't give up". I would do anything for that voice and so over and over again I fought the blackness that wanted to take me, knowing that any minute it would win.

Just then the door to my apartment flew open, Beth and her husband seemed to appear in an instant. My mind was a chaotic mess, there sudden appearance did not make sense. The only thing I could think clearly was that they could not be here Victoria would kill them too. I tried to scream for them to leave, to get as far from here as possible, but I did not have enough oxygen in my lungs. I locked eyes with Beth and pleading with my eyes asked for her to understand that she needed to leave. Beth's eyes held terrible sadness that did not fit our situation or belong on her beautiful face. In the seconds it took for me to notice this I nearly missed her husband jumpiing on Victoria pulling her from my body. He had her pinned to the floor and with a move only a vampire could make Beth was at her neck biting.

I had managed to find another set of vampires to live by on my run. Would my life always be surrounded by the supernatural. Why did I always gravitate to them? I really did not have time to dwell on this I was losing my fight to stay in the here and now. Just as Edward yelled at me to stay with him and my eyes began to close I heard the sound of metal and stone being torn apart and I knew Victoria was no more. I could die in peace knowing that she could not hurt anyone else I loved.

I let my eyes close completely and waited to see what awaited me when I left this world. I knew it would not be heaven, for I knew if there was no Edward then it was not heaven.

I felt arms pick me up and move me, I did not know what the new vampires planned to do with me but I would not live through this. I was placed on something soft. "Father I can not let this be the end of her. I need to save her." Beth cried.

"Mother, we have never had a newborn of our kind." her husband had cried.

"I have to do this, I feel like it will be the same as when he died if I do not." she wailed. "What if it is our fault she was hurt. That woman could have come around because of our scent and Annabella was caught in the middle. Please understand I need her. I feel like she is my child. Can you love her like I have grown to love her." Beth pleaded with her husband.

My head swam, did she plan to care for me until I was better, nothing made sense. I was not going to live through the damage Victoria had brought me.

"You know it will not bring him back Beth, but if you feel she is your child I will not deny you. I will try to love her as you do." He promised. "I am going to finish with her attacker, do you need me to stay with you.?"

"You finish with the she-devil. I will be fine. My love for this child will guide me. I know this will work out." she sounded so confident in her tone.

I felt my lungs gasp for breath and knew that it would be one of my last. My heart was slowing and this would all be over.

"It's okay Bella, my child I am going to make it all better. I am sorry for the pain you will be in but I will be here with you." she whispered in my ear. That is when I felt it. Beth bit my neck and it started, first the burning in my neck then I felt it in my elbow, she had bit me again.


	6. Searching

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

A/N:

**Again I must say Thank you to all of you who have followed or favorite-d me. Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**So there was confusion with my last chapter, Beth gardens when there is vampire friendly weather; cloudy and overcast. That is also why Bella stays around the house. She does not want to be out when others can be wandering around easily looking for her. **

**And….As promised here is the Cullen POV.**

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Chapter 6: Searching

Combing the hallows  
of my mind throughout  
the ages galaxy to galaxy

Searching in the  
darkest midnight  
hour

Silently walking the  
streets of life  
searching for you.

_In Search Heather Burns_

I was hyperventilating on air I did not need. Bella was becoming one of us. I had seen her bitten by another vampire following a lethal attack from Victoria. I did not recognize the vampires that seemed to come to her aid and I was fearful of what they had in store. Edward was struggling to keep the family informed as he watched my thoughts. The family had gathered around both of us as the anxiety and despair consumed us. The attack had been brutal and when all hope was lost they were there to help. As we watched the last minutes of her transformation, hoping to figure out where we could find her my vision of her went blank.

"Alice, what happened." Edward panicked.

"I do not know." I whimpered. "She just disappeared. It was just like my visions, when we are near the werewolves but there were no wolves around her." We had recently learned this new limit of my talent during our hunt for Bella. I can not see werewolves and we are not sure why.

The last several weeks had everyone stretched to their limit. The family had already been trying to cope with our missing piece, when the vision of Bella fleeing from Forks struck and we have been trying to find her ever since.

When we left, Edward had instructed me not to look for Bella's future. He said she needed a human life without our interference. In my despair I could not resist looking for her, to get these glimpses of my sister were all I had left. At first I was very depressed when I would catch a glimpse of Bella, if I could catch a glimpse. There would just be grey space around her. She was existing and that was all she had decided to do. She was just there.

I was fearful for her when I saw her take the bikes, I did not try to see this future, it just came to me but I knew Bella and bikes were not a good combination. Bella was headed away from Forks when suddenly she disappeared. I panicked and Jasper and Edward surrounded me. Edward knew I was not looking for Bella when this vision happened. We were fearful, I decided to look further in the future and I wish I hadn't. Seeing her disappear Edward was going to head back to her. But when I saw her return to Charlie relatively safe later that day he changed his mind.

I wanted him to go back, how could he not see the path she was on was no good. I had also seen Edward make the decision to leave the family several times, but I knew the brief glimpses he saw of Bella was what was keeping him with us and so even though it hurt I continued to look for her.

Over the next few weeks I had several more visions of Bella disappearing and reappearing. Each time I would feel panicked until I could see her again. Once she returned after getting stitches. I had wanted to have Edward or even Carlisle check on her. I do not know what happened to her during the blank spots but I could see the end result and more than once she had an injury. Edward reminded me several times that she had been accident prone before we knew her. However each time he saw a bruise he believes he could have prevented his resolve wavered and so I continued looking for her.

As I looked for Bella this morning I had been unable to see her, what ever was keeping me from seeing her was already happening. When I looked further into the future expecting to see her crying or surrounded in grey as I usually did I was surprised when I saw her fly into the house in a panic. She packed all the clothes I had purchased for her. I only saw bits and pieces, portions of an incomplete plan. Jasper had gathered me in his arms with my rising emotions, while trying to send calming waves into the room as Edwards panic escalated as he watched my vision. I saw her writing letters. I saw her run from her home and head to ours. I flinched as Bella broke the back window to our home to gain entrance. The last segment of the vision I received was Bella purchasing a bus ticket.

We were living in Ithaca, New York when this happened as the vision ended Edward and I were already giving orders, running to the cars as we filled the family in on what we had seen. I did not see what had happened to set this in action, but this was not normal. Bella was running in fear and we needed to get to her.

We had been driving non stop and straight into the evening, hoping we would reach her before she left. Edward, who was driving the Volvo almost swerved off the road as a new segment of this vision played out in my mind. I saw her purchase two bus tickets to two different cities. She proceeded to climb through several different buses but not leave on one. Jasper was very proud of Bella for her evasive maneuvers. I had to calm Edward down as Jasper's thoughts upset him, reminding him no harm was meant only praise. I then saw her run for the airport, purchase a ticket headed to London. I was not sure where she was when she made these new decisions so we decided to head her off at the house.

we knew she had already been and left but her scent was fresh.

As we pulled up to the house in Forks, Jasper and Emmett were out of the cars before Edward and Carlisle could park them. From my visions we were pretty sure she was no longer at the house but we did not know what we would find. We also needed to look for any information or clues and we needed a minute to look for her future to determine our next move. As Jasper opened the front door both he and Emmett immediately went into defensive crouches. Edward hissed as he ran to his brothers side and it was only a second more before we figured out their reactions. We all could smell Bella's blood. It was not fresh and there was not a lot but it was still her blood. Carlisle took the lead into the house not sure of what we would find. The trail led us to the living room and that was where we saw the letter. Was it written to us? Had she left us a clue?

Esme sobbed when Carlisle picked it up and we all saw that it was addressed to Victoria. Why did Bella think Victoria was after her? She thought a vampire was after her and she was taunting them to come find her. What was she thinking? Edward had caught another faint trail of Bella and followed it up to his room. When he returned, the crushed look on his face reminded me of the day he left her.

"She believed me. She is running and she thinks I do not care for her." he whispered. "She will not try to find us for help."

Suddenly, Edward was seething next to Jasper. "What was that you just thought? She figured it out? Who figured what out." he screamed at Jasper.

Jasper was smug. "Your mate is a smart one Edward she always has been. There is no broken window because Bella figured out the security code was her birthday. You are the only one who caught her scent headed upstairs because she is your mate and the smell is more potent to you. We did not catch it because she tried to hide it. She used something from the closet because she found the bag I left her." he stated like it was no surprise.

Everyone except me was shocked by his last statement. I knew he had prepared her a bag but at the time I thought it was a silly sentimental act because I could not see a future when she would need it. I was so thankful for his insight now. My sister would have help in her escape because my mate had thought to provide it for her.

"What bag?" several family members yelled at the same time.

"Family does not give up on family and I told her so. I prepared the bag even though Alice did not see her needing it. I wrote Bella a letter and included money, keys and address to my truck in storage in Houston, and the identities we had prepared for her when we fled to Phoenix last year." he quietly explained to everyone.

Edward grabbed Jasper by the shoulder and we waited for his reaction to Jasper meddling with his mates life. "Thank you brother for helping her when I didn't." he offered quietly.

I gasped just then as suddenly all of our futures went completely blank. It was at the same time that the smell hit us. There was a werewolf headed straight to our home. It took only a moment for my brain to connect our futures to Bella's, we had just disappeared like she had. She had been in the company of werewolves while we were gone. I could not see them. Edward let out a small growl as he heard my thoughts. If he had known she was disappearing because she was with a werewolf he would have gone to her.

We quickly got into a protective formation as the wolf came closer to our home and I filled the rest of the family in on my discovery.

A man child broke through the front door just then. He was facial features were still young however they were in complete opposition to his body. He stood over six feet and looked like he spent hours in the gym. He was shaking as he locked eyes with us. "Where is she?" he seethed.

"Jacob, we do not know where she is. Alice got a vision of her running from Forks scared and we came to help. Do you know why she is running." Edward asked in a much more calm voice than I expected.

"Probably to escape her memories of you." Jacob sneered.

Edward winced in pain, no doubt from something he was seeing in Jacob's mind. "You told her about Victoria, she doesn't want anyone to get hurt. That is why she ran." Edward filled us in on Jacob's thoughts. "Did she give you any idea where she was running or how?" he pleaded with Jacob.

"Stay out of my head, bloodsucker. I don't know where she is headed and I wouldn't tell you if I did." Edward gave the family a nod telling us that he was telling the truth.

"Jacob, I am sorry she ran. I know you believe you can protect her. We really need to leave now. Good luck in your search for her. I really hope for both of you, that you find her soon." Edward said calmly and if the rest of us had not lived with him for at least the last fifty years we would have thought he had just went insane. We knew how much he needed Bella and he was not handing her over to a pack of werewolves. Edward must have made the decision then to head to the airport.

"We really need to leave now if we are going to make our return flight to Los Angeles." I said to the group. Everyone nodded and we exited the house with both letters from Bella. Leaving no evidence, other than her scent, that she had been in our home.

We headed to SeaTac airport Bella's flight had already taken off we would take the next flight to London. We stopped briefly in Seattle since I had seen no changes and we had left Ithaca with nothing. We grabbed a small bag and a couple of outfits for each person. If everyone stayed with the current plan we would land in London a couple hours after Bella. She had tried to make decisions of her plan once she landed in London but since she did not know the country she was going in kind of blind. This would make her vulnerable but we did not think anyone had figured out where she was as of yet and not knowing where she was would give us the chance to catch up with her.

As we waited to board the plane I was taken in another vision. Bella did not make her connecting flight. Something happened and she exited the airport. Bella had not made the decision to go to her destination so I was left to figure out where she was by what I saw in the visions. The only thing she has said was "Take me to the field." No one knew what that meant.

Her first decision was to go to McDonald's, this destination did not help. I watched and her next decision was Days Inn.

"Bella you are not helping. Go somewhere unique. You could be anywhere." I grumbled.

She had stayed in her room and looked at pictures. I had a tight smile and tried to hide the sob when she decided to thank me for her birthday the next time we saw each other. When she did go out she was just going with what came at her. She was not making decisions. This made it impossible to find her. When she made the decision to leave the hotel the flat she moved to also did not give away any details. We thought we caught a break when she headed to the library but you would be surprised at how many towns named Lincoln had libraries, McDonald's, and a Days Inn close by. When she went to the grocery store she selected a Walgreens. She was succeeding in blending in a little to well.

Having seen her make the decision to go to Houston after she left where ever it is she was. We headed there and made that camp unless we figured out where she was.

As time passed Edward got more and more frustrated, fearful for his Bella. Jasper was frustrated but that was because he felt Bella had lost her vigilance. She was not actively worried about the chase.

That changed suddenly and Bella was headed our way in 2 days to pick up the truck. I saw us seeing her and having a chance to explain everything to her and protect her. I was sure we crossed paths here in Houston when she came for the truck. My vision showed her leaving with us.

However Victoria changed that future for us. Just before the attack we had figured out Bella was in Chicago, something had spooked her and she was going to O'Hare International Airport, she was in Chicago the whole time. She had not made a definite decision of where she was headed. We would not make it to Chicago before she could get to the airport. We sat waiting to see if she would head here or if we would be on the move again. However that was not to be, when Bella returned to the flat Victoria came onto the scene. Edward collapsed from the grief of watching his mate in the hands of the monster. We had to get to her, we did not know if these images were happening now or if we had time to change them. Emmett lifted Edward to the car and placed him in the back seat. We took off as soon as her future changed, but I soon realized we would not make it in time. We continues through our sobs and devastation. We could not give up and we would track Victoria down and make her pay. I was devastated but I could not give up. That was when it happened two new vampires showed up in her future but they were fighting for Bella. I had not seen her make any new friends why were they there.

Bella was going to die from her injuries and Edward's body was wracked with dry sobs. I had not seen Bella make a decision to meet these vampires and did not know why they would involve themselves with the situation. I had watched struggling to hold on and remain focused. I could not lose my vision. Suddenly one of them bit into her neck. For only a second we worried that they were there to steal Victoria's meal, however the female vampire quickly moved to bite her again on her wrist. For reasons we did not know, they were changing her. I watched and relayed to my family as I saw them take her while she burned. We were all apprehensive and not sure how Edward would react. However Edward's breathing has slowed and he was reduced to only whimpering as Bella began to burn.

We continued on to Lincoln Park, Chicago. We would look for a trace and begin our search from there. Slowly Edward came around and began to plan to get his mate back. She was a vampire and there was no reason to be away from her now. He wavered from self loathing and anger at himself for leaving her to this fate and joy that she was part of his world and that they could be together. Edward and I kept everyone aware of the few visions we had from Bella during the change. Carlisle was so proud when she was so determined to not be a human drinker. Everyone sobbed as Bella resolved and tried to hold on to her memories of us. We would find her and help her through this and our family would be complete.

That was when she vanished.

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**Please let me know what you think.**


	7. Burning

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

* * *

A/N:

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. **

**Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**All of the BOLD print is direct quotes from the books. **

* * *

All but Death, can be Adjusted—  
Dynasties repaired—  
Systems—settled in their Sockets—  
Citadels—dissolved—

Wastes of Lives—resown with Colors  
By Succeeding Springs—  
Death—unto itself—Exception—  
Is exempt from Change—

All but Death, can be Adjusted - _Emily Dickinson_

Chapter 7: Burning

I could not remember when the burning had started, maybe it had always been there. Though it felt like I had been burning for an infinite amount of time I some how knew that this had not been my entire existence but I could not pinpoint or concentrate on any event before the burning. I knew nothing but burning. I could not tell you where my body was or if I ever had one. I was a mass, a conscious heap of pain with no form, with no reason, only pain. Each instance I thought the endless pain had reached its apex and could get no hotter it seemed that the flames would be fanned and get hotter. The only change except the increase in the scourging blaze was when my pain had **doubled. The lower half of my body was suddenly on fire. Some broken connection had been healed-knitted together by the scorching fingers of the flame. The endless burn raged on.**

**It could have been seconds or days, weeks or years, but eventually time came to mean something again. **

**I could now think through the pain. I could hear sounds and focus on what they were. The pain had not dimmed in the slightest but I discovered I could think around it. **I had no reference for time but I understood the concept of time passing. Listening for a way to determine the passage of time I was able to focus on the sounds around me. I could hear someone screaming, growling and snarling between gasps and hissing. I was so disconnected from myself that it startled me that I was the one making those sounds. As the realization dawned I tried to contain it but was only mildly successful. Still yelping and groaning but unable to contain the screams each time the heat flared.

When I was able to focus beyond anything other than my pains and screams I could hear a constant thrumming sound, I could tell that I was laid out across something, and I had the sensation that even though I was not moving I was being moved and as soon as I placed the references together I knew I was in a vehicle. Though the word seemed abstract at the moment I knew that was what it was.

As I was finally able to put a name to my whereabouts I was able to focus on other noises. Suddenly I felt a pressure on one of my extremities and it did not diminish the heat but did not add to it either. It was then that I heard someone other than my own screams and it appears they were trying to comfort someone. Who I was not sure. "Shh, Shh, It will be fine my dear. You will feel better soon. I am sorry but this was the only way to save you." a female voice cooed. Who was this woman and who was she trying to save. The voice sounded musical and familiar but the memory of its owner danced at the edge of my mind. It sounded better than a chorus of angels. "Father, do you think she will be alright?" she whispered.

"Beth," as soon as the man spoke an image of a woman appeared in my mind. I knew it was Beth. She had been nice to me. "Mother you worry too much. Bella," I was Bella as soon as he spoke my name my mind and soul remembered myself. My body, my form, my mind. "She will be fine. She will take the same three days," what would take three days? "You and I took. You will see, this is normal. I know you have never seen another change, "what change had they gone through?" But I watched you and this is the same." The man spoke trying to comfort her.

I tried to place what the man said together. I would change and the change would take three days. As soon as I had placed the thought in that order, I was taken into memories.

**"I was born in Chicago in 1901."** Edward's musical voice said. Edward was mine. **"Carlisle,**" Carlisle was Edward's adoptive father, my second father. **"found me in hospital in the summer of 1918, and dying of the Spanish influenza"**

**"I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget. For me it was merely very, very painful."** Merely painful, this was beyond any explanation. Words like excruciating, harrowing, and tortuous did not adequately describe the hell I was experiencing in being changed into a vampire. As soon as the thought was through I knew that is what was happening and like that there was no barrier from the hell I was going through and my previous life. I had been human and I was now becoming a vampire.

As clear as day I knew I was being changed into a vampire. What I now realized I had once wanted, what seemed like a life time ago was actually happening. But it was happening without Edward. Why wasn't he here? Then the horrible memory played out and I was helpless to look away.

**"Come for a walk with me."** He said in my memory he was void of all emotion. **"Bella, we're leaving." **

I knew what was to come. I was not part of the 'we' but I could not stop the memory. **"When you say we-," **my already ragged breathing hitched. **"Okay, I'll come with you." **The rest of the memory played out and the pain that had taken residence in my chest was now joined by the pain of my shattered heart. **"You... don't...want me?"**

**"No"**

Edward did not want me and I did not want forever without him. I did not just want to be a vampire, and immortal, it did not mean anything without him. Again I was given no choice. Victoria had attacked me. Beth, my landlord had saved me. Beth and her husband had saved me. It was then that I realized that must be the man that was comforting her.

"It is okay my child." I realize now she is talking to me. "You will be amazing, don't worry. You are becoming like my husband and I. We will be a family." Beth wanted to be a family with me.

Could I let that happen? Could I even try? Did I have a choice? She did not know yet how unlovable I was. So much so that to my own father I was a mere roommate, in charge of laundry, housework, and meal preparation, which was a considerable step up from my mother. My mother who loved herself above all else, letting me be the adult while she was allowed to be the perpetual teenager, with no one to keep her in check, often leaving me without essentials like electricity. Then there was my other vampire family, the one who had left. I had loved them without restraint, without judgment, and with my whole heart and there was a time I believed they felt the same for me, but they had all left me. Could these vampires replace what I lost? I had already decided that I did not want to die and I would need help. I would be part of their coven because I had been given no choice.

Suddenly panic over took me, what if they were not vegetarian vampires? What would I do then? I could not, would not feed from humans. From what I remember it was not a common lifestyle amongst vampires. Could I get them to change their diet? Would they let me live how I wanted if it was not their way? Would they send me on my way like everyone else? These thoughts circled around in my mind until I had to concede that there was nothing I could do while I continued to burn. If I woke to discover they were human drinkers, I would figure it out then. If I had to I would run. I am not sure if I could get away from them but I would not sit by while they killed innocent people. I loved and respected my first vampire family too much to give into that side of my nature.

Sometime during my screams and thoughts we had stopped driving. I had again been placed on something soft. I could feel someone stroking my hand that Victoria had crushed. I could move my fingers and make a first. I could use it. It would not be useless in this life. The fire that burned me had healed it along with my broken spine. At that moment I remembered that Esme; my mind instantly filled with an amazing women who had reminded me of a fairytale mother who had just walked off the storybook pages; had also had severe injuries when she was changed and they had all been healed, my vampire mom was perfect. It was then that I also remembered Rosalie; a beautiful statuesque women; and Edward; with beautiful copper hair all in disarray, his charming crooked smile; telling me how human memories fade and I did not want to forget anything so I spent the rest of the burn blocking out the words of comfort Beth continued to repeat and dwelled on repeating my human memories in my mind so that they would be forever there in my vampire mind.

I wanted them to be as clear as possible so I replayed as much of my life as I could remember over and over in my head each time remembering another small detail or story that would eventually be lost if I did not remember it now. I took extra care to remember everything about my hair brained mother Renee; I had looked like her and was saddened that after the change those similarities may be gone. I remembered my quiet mannered father Charlie; who I got the dark chestnut color of my hair from. My personal sun Jacob; his beautiful copper skin and silk black hair. I remembered the perfect love of my vampire mother Esme, the constant compassion not to be rivaled in all of history of my vampire dad Carlisle; who I once considered looking better than any movie star. The tenacity and loyalty of his sister Rosalie, and the playfulness and kindness hidden by his curly dark hair and huge muscles of my teddy bear big brother Emmett. I thought of Jasper; lean and masculine with honey blond hair that hung to his chin, who I had not known well but I knew he was caring, loyal, and wise and even though he had tried to attack me I knew he would defend me as family. **"You are worth it."** He was the one after all who had helped the most in my run from Forks whether he knew it or not and I would always be in his debt. I then thought of Alice me pixie sister, small in the extreme with short, spiky, ink black hair; with her energy, her perpetual happiness, and her love of fashion, I would miss her.

I saved Edward for last. I let myself think of Edward now because I could not bear to think of an existence where I did not know him, or remember him. I replayed everything about him over and over in my mind. I replayed memories of him playing the piano for me. I remember how he dazzled me. I remembered everything I could and though I tried not to think about it again I remembered when he broke my heart and even though my vampire mind could look at the memory and instantly recognize something was off, I did not know what it was but I did not want all my memories of him to be coated in sadness so I focused on the good times. The way his kisses had left me breathless. How much I enjoyed Prom when I was sure I would hate it. Our meadow, it was my favorite memories and as the flames started to retreat, I realized I was no longer screaming, I would spend these last minutes of torture in our meadow with memories of him. It was my favorite place and always would be.

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**Please let me know what you think. Thank you for the reviews.**


	8. Awakening

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

* * *

A/N:

SO SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN POSTING WITH THE HELP OF MY LAPTOP THE LAST CHAPTER WAS LOST DURING MY FINAL EDITING AND I HAD TO START OVER. Now everything summaries and drafts have been backed up on a flash drives.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. **

**Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**All of the BOLD print is direct quotes from the books. **

* * *

Ye, who sometimes, in your rambles  
Through the green lanes of the country,  
Where the tangled barberry-bushes  
Hang their tufts of crimson berries  
Over stone walls gray with mosses,  
Pause by some neglected graveyard,  
For a while to muse, and ponder  
On a half-effaced inscription,  
Written with little skill of song-craft,  
Homely phrases, but each letter  
Full of hope and yet of heart-break,  
Full of all the tender pathos  
Of the Here and the Hereafter;  
Stay and read this rude inscription,  
Read this Song of Hiawatha!

Song of Hiawatha – _Henry Wadsworth Longfellow_

Chapter 8: Awakening

As I woke to this life I was startled by the clarity of everything I was seeing. I could see each rise, minute crack, and dent in the plaster in the ceiling above me. I could the delicate knots and connections of the small spider web in the corner of the room. I could see each line of sun that created the ray the entered from the window and traveled across the room. I could clearly see the separation in all the colors of the spectrum. There were colors I had never seen before that I had no name for yet. I could see each speck dust as it danced and orbited around each other as they floated in the sky. I could track each piece as my first breath created a vortex of movement.

It was disconcerting when I suddenly realized how clearly I could hear each breath as it traveled through my new body. As I stopped focusing on the one sound I instantly could hear the subtle shift in the leaves as a gentle breeze swept pass the home. I could hear the rodents that traveled in the brush nearby and the small insects that gathered around the foundation of this home. I was became distracted by the rhythmic pounding of some bird to the south of where ever I currently was.

The heightened sense that I was not really prepared for was smell but it was more than that, it was like both smell and taste had joined together and became stronger. There was no way anyone could prepare you for this strong overload to mind. I could smell the aged pine that framed the home. I could smell the slight decaying of the ever changing forest floor. The stale linens that I lay upon had a soft lemon smell from some cleaning that had to have been quite some time ago. To my right I could smell a combination of cedar and peppermint, with some other sweet spice that I could not place but they blended together perfectly. There was also an orange blossom and lavender smell that held the same sweet spice that even though they were different they also blended together to make the sweetest smell.

As I took in a deeper breath trying to gather more of the sweet smells, my throat tickled and I raised my hand to cup my neck trying to ease the discomfort and that was when I heard the gasp. It was close, too close.

Without a clear demand from my brain I had already sprung from my prone position landing in the opposite direction of the other entity in the room. Simultaneously as the balls of my feet touched down my body lurched into a defensive crouch and a hiss escaped from my between my clenched teeth. In the three seconds it took me to achieve this new position I was able to determine that I was in a room about the size of the room I had in Forks. There was a large window to the right and smaller one behind me. To the left were two doors. One smaller probably the closet and the other going the rest of the house.

In front of the second door was a large male with defined jaw and nose with almost perfect angles. He was the owner of the cedar and peppermint smell. Shifted slightly behind him was a female with pouty lips and auburn air. The orange and lavender scent belonged to her. Both of their eyes were deep topaz with flecks of black.

"Bella," the female whispered in a questioning tone.

It only took another moment for my mind to register, this was Beth. Beth had saved me from Victoria. Beth bit me. She made me a vampire. Connecting with her eyes again relief washed over me as my brain instantly associated their eyes to their choice in diet. It seemed that as soon as realized who was before me and I was in no immediate danger I was out of my defensive crouch, not remembering that I had made the decision to move. Even though I felt like I was out of immediate danger, I was not sure what was expected of me. I made an audible swallow trying to clear the persistent agitation in my throat and nodded to Beth.

Beth went to cross the room to me but was stopped by the male vampire so she addressed me from her position standing in front of him. "Do you remember who I am, Bella. My name is Beth." I nodded my response. "This is my husband Tony, Bella." she was addressing me like a small child or a scared animal and both of the descriptions seemed to be appropriate at the time to me.

Looking very tense Beth began to speak and I could hear the tightness in her voice. "Bella, I don't know what you remember dear. You were at the house and someone attacked you." Beth looked at me and it took a moment for me to realize that she was waiting for me to acknowledge if I did in fact remember, I gave her a quick nod and she continued. "I am so sorry Bella, so so sorry Bella. I did not realize having a person near us would end like this." I was lost what was she sorry for. She had saved me from Victoria when no one else could. "Bella, I had thought having someone around the house would make it looked more lived in, more normal. I did not realize having you so close to us would attract others of our kind." It finally clicked she like my other vampires thought that she had attracted the vampire to me. This was even less true for Beth than it was for them. "I would never let this happen to you on purpose you have to know that. Please-"

I had to cut her off she could not continue to hold this guilt. "Beth," I spoke a little to loudly, at everyone's flinch I began again. "Beth, it was not your fault that Victoria attacked me. Please do not blame yourself." Tony and Beth both seemed taken aback at my identification of the vampire. As I waited for one of them to respond I noticed a scratchy sensation in the back of my throat that seemed to only get worse.

Tony was the first recover. "You knew who your attacker was?" He looked at me wearily. I nodded and tried to swallow to soothe the steadily growing discomfort. "You knew this Victoria that attacked you?" he asked but continued without an answer. "She, she knew who you were before you came to our home? She is, was a..." he trailed off.

So I supplied the answer, "Vampire."

Both gasped but this time Beth was the first to speak. "You knew what she was?"

As soon as I nodded my reply, Tony hissed and pulled Beth behind him. I was scared why would he react this way, just for knowing Victoria. As soon as I had the thought, I also had my answer. I had been a human who had known too much. As my anxiety increased so did the burn in my throat. I again tried to swallow the discomfort and a small whimper escaped. Beth went to move in front of her husband and he released a growl or warning.

"Tony." She scolded him but his defenses did not drop and he did not let her move from his shelter. "She is in pain, Tony. She is thirsty. We need to help."

"Beth, she was a human that knew about vampires." he said indignantly. "We could have interrupted a punishment. We could have brought a lot of trouble to ourselves." I knew I was trouble, and a burden to be around but I was afraid of being alone now. "You have seen them Beth, they are not forgiving. They will not wait to find out that we did not know. Do you want to face that over her?"

I knew who the 'them' he referred to were. He had a health respect for the Volturi and so I had developed one as well. "Victoria was not with the Volturi." I shouted. "I promise. No one else was with her. She was coming after me she wanted only me." I cried.

Tony looked shaken to the core. "You know of the Volturi, too? How is this possible?" I understood Tony he wanted to protect his mate. His voice climbing steadily. "Tell me now how you know so much?"

I was not sure if I could tell them how I knew. I could not tell them for fear of the pain it would cause. I could not tell them because I could not stand it if I got them in trouble because they left me alive knowing the secret. I could not let them know how truly unlovable I was, they would leave me too. At that time my body betrayed me further when the tightness of emotion in my throat made it burst into flames. I raised my hand to cup my neck in a fools attempt to find relief.

Again moved to come toward me, Tony holding her back. "Anthony." she rebuked, not noticing my flinch at his full name. "She is thirsty. I trust her enough to wait for answers until she has sated her thirst. You remember the pain and discomfort. I will not sit here and make her uncomfortable." She finished sounding like a defensive mother bear. With a stiff nod he released Beth and she slowly approached me. "Bella, your throat hurts because you need to hunt." I nodded my understanding. "As you know you are a vampire now. However my husband and I do not live a traditional vampire life style." she continued on sounding unsure. "We do not live like most of our kind some things are very different and we request that you follow our ways as well. A key difference you see." she hesitated making me unsure of where this was going. "We do not adhere to the expected vampire diet." she hesitated again. From looking in her eyes I already knew they were 'vegetarians'

Wanting to put Beth at ease I finished for her, "You hunt animals not humans." There were simultaneous gasps from both Tony and Beth. "I assure I want to follow your diet as well."

"How- How did you know?" Beth stuttered.

It was obvious wasn't it "Your eyes." I answered, not being able to contain my whimper.

"We will hunt first, then we need some answers." Tony instructed, as I looked at the mask he wore hiding his emotions, I let out a whimper that had nothing to my thirst but with the memory of another vampire who could so easily hide.

"We had to move you out of the city during your change. So we are now in the middle of the forest" At Beth's explanation, I was instantly bombarded with visions the Olympic Peninsula and my body locked down of its own accord. Noticing my reaction Beth hurried to complete her explanation. "We are in Hiawatha National Forest, inside Michigan bordered by Lake Michigan and Lake Superior. So we are not near any populated areas." I instantly relaxed and no one was the wiser to the real reason of my freak out.

"We will run a few minutes from here and once we have reached one of our usual hunting spots, I will run a check for any humans in the area. Beth will wait with you. Bella vampires do not react well if the feel threatened when feeding. Just being to close can set us off. Do you understand Bella?" Tony asked pointedly. Upon my nod he continued. "In the area we leave you to hunt we will run perimeter checks. If you run, I will come after you." His voice threatening.

"I won't run." I promised. I couldn't stand the idea of being alone again.

At that Tony gave Beth a nod an she reached her hand out to me. I took and let her lead me. As we left the room I could see that the home was a roomy cottage, not massive like other vampire homes I had seen. I could only see a portion of the home as we exited and I imagined a picturesque scene pulled straight from Better Homes and Gardens. When we reached the outdoors it was better. Tony looking extremely tense led our party into the surrounding woods. Beth kept hold of my hand and tugging me as I took my first full speed vampire steps. She encouraged just as a mother would any child taking her first steps. Focusing on Beth and her joy kept my mind from wandering to deeply into the last time I had felt these speeds. We had only traveled for a little more than three minutes when we had stopped, but we had gone an additional twenty miles into the forest.

"Bella I am going to a quick check to make sure there is no one around and then you can hunt." Tony said and took off into the dense oak trees.

"Bella, dear. When we hunt, we give ourselves over to our senses. Govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. It is quite easy. Instinctual." She was giving me the only instructions she knew to give me. "You will be less distracted if you run until you smell something that appeals to you, then center yourself, close your eyes if you must and listen and breathe deep, then your instincts will kick in. Understand?" Beth asked gently.

"Yes, thank you." I mumbled.

Tony returned just as we had finished speaking. "Remember what I said Bella."

"We will try to keep our distance during your hunt but if you need anything, we won't be far. Okay dear?" Beth encouraged.

I stood in the small clearing for several moments not sure where but as I concentrated on the burn it became too over whelming to ignore. I started with taking a few deep breaths and began moving at a quick human pace. After a couple of minutes I came across a tantalizing smell and ran in the direction the wind had carried it from. I was surprised when I came upon a pack of coyotes. I was able to grab one and it was drained immediately, leaving me wildly craving more however the pack had scattered. I took off looking for the more knowing a I was not fully sated when I came across a more musky smell. The loud thud of the beasts' heart told me it was larger than the coyote but not as appealing. I moved slowly not wanting to scare away another meal. When I moved to look over a rock out cropping I was awarded with a heard of deer. Without a conscious thought I leapt from the rock snapping the spines of two and quickly latched my neck on to the third. I think I finally understood what he had tried to tell me so long ago about not thinking and just acting when we hunted.

Suddenly I was swept into a very clear memory and I could not stop it.

** "Why did you to that Goat Rocks place last week?"**

** "Bears..."**

** "Grizzly is Emmett's favorite" **

** "What's your favorite?" **

** "Mountain lion"**

** "You should be able to visualize Emmett hunting "**

** "Early summer is Emmett's favorite bear season - They're just coming out of hibernation, so they **

** are ****more irritable." **

** "Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear." **

** "More like a lion, or so they tell me, perhaps our preferences are indicative." **

** "Is that something I might be able to see?"**

** "Absolutely not!"**

I would never get to see him hunt. I was stronger less fragile but I would never get to see him. I sank to the forest floor pushing my last kill away from me forcefully. My vision blurred and my eyes prickled as I a sob ripped from chest. I am not sure how long I laid there letting the misery take me, but I was still a heap curled in on myself when Tony and Beth found me.


	9. The Truth

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

A/N:

**Again I must say Thank you to all of you who have followed or favorite-d me. Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

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Tell all the truth but tell it slant,  
Success in circuit lies,  
Too bright for our infirm delight  
The truth's superb surprise;

As lightning to the children eased  
With explanation kind,  
The truth must dazzle gradually  
Or every man be blind.

**Tell All The Truth **_Emily Dickinson_

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Chapter 9: The Truth

"Bella, Bella, honey what is wrong." Beth cooed in a motherly anxious tone as she dropped to her knees beside me. "Father, what is wrong with her? What is happening?" I hated to be the reason for her panic but I could not pull myself from my misery long enough to extinguish her fears or explain my current state.

I was unsure if I would ever want to tell them how unlovable and broken I am. I had once dreamed that I would be part of a family and now I had a coven. As much as it hurt my heart still longed for that family. I remembered Beth wanted us to be a family, she said so during my change, but agreeing to it felt like I was betraying them. I knew I might be with Tony and Beth for eternity but if I had learned anything from my previous life, probably not. They would see I was not worth it and give up.

I did not know if I could trust them the way I had once trusted. It wasn't that Beth and Tony had done anything to hurt me, without them I would be dead, well deader but I was not ready to trust yet. With my heart gone I am not sure I would ever be ready for anything again.

"I am not sure, mother." Tony answered, then addressed me "Bella, I know this is all new to you. We can help you. Let's get you home and we can talk about everything. I know you are confused but we will take care of you." Tony's words were stilted and forced but he was trying.

"Mother, you take Bella back to the house. I will take care of the deer and be right behind. Bella is it okay if Beth takes you home? You will be safe with her." I nodded my reply but made no move and was startled when Beth picked me up and carried me. I melted into her embrace trying to absorb the motherly love she was projecting but my fears would not allow it.

I did not know what to expect of myself in this life, my vampires always acted so human around me. Right now I felt on the edge of a breakdown or a freak out but it seemed like my brain could handle both at the same time even if my body couldn't. Beth kept whispering to me, what I am sure were words of comfort but I was still inside my head. I had held to my memories because I didn't want to forget and now as the familiar pain rippled the edges of my now silent heart I wished I had not remembered at all. I was not aware of when we had reached the house and I am not sure how long they had let me sit on the couch lost in my sobs but I felt they surely had to be growing inpatient for a response. So I forced myself to be in the present, pushing my memories to the back of my mind. I began worrying my bottom lip while I waited for them to demand answers. I briefly remembered doing this in my human life when I was nervous.

As they saw me finally coming out of my thoughts, Tony began "Bella, we have been in your place and we know that it can be difficult to adjust to this new life." They had interpreted my meltdown as result to being changed. "But it seems you knew something about this life before. Can you tell us what you know?" Toni asked gently.

"I, I knew a fam-, family," I stuttered. Taking a deep breath I continued "I knew a coven in the last town I lived in. I figured out what they were and once they knew, I knew they were their normal selves around me." I answered.

"They are not supposed to let those that know about our kind live. What did you know about their normal selves." he asked apprehensively.

If I wanted to be able to talk to them without falling apart I needed to not think of them specifically, keep it clinical. "They had inhuman speed, strength. They did not eat, or sleep. We sparkle in the sun light."

"Bella, keep going, what else do you know?" he pressed. He needed answers but I couldn't tell them everything, not yet at least.

"They were unnaturally beautiful, incredibly smart, and never aging" I wanted to let this go. They could teach me whatever they wanted.

"Bella, what are you not telling us? You know more." Tony now had an edge to his voice.

I was frustrated how did he know I knew more. I felt like he was implying I was lying and I knew I wasn't being open but it hurt to much I could not talk about it. I wasn't lying, not yet, anyway. "Nothing." I mumbled.

"You're lying." - And there it was - Tony seethed. He was angry with me and I did not want that to be how we were. I did not want them to know how unlovable I was. I was not ready to be open. It wasn't about lying it was just not something I could talk about. How did he know if I knew more or not? "We saved you and you repay us by lying." he raged.

I flinched back from what he said. I did not know what to say or do. They hated me and I would be alone again. I did not want to be alone. I was afraid and my body did not know what to do. "I, I , I..." I stuttered as I looked defensively for a way to escape.

"Bella" Beth soothed "You are safe now and you can tell us anything. We are here to help you. Were you being attacked because of what you know." she was trying to be helpful, to give me the benefit of the doubt. She was patient and kind like my other vampire mother and once the thought crossed my mind, I fell apart.

"No. NO. I can't" I sobbed. "I can't tell you everything, it hurts. I was not being attacked because of what I know. I promise, no one is going to come after me, it was just her. I promise." I continued to sob and Beth pulled me into her arms. I am not sure how long I cried but they gave me time before they tried again.

"Bella, we want to help you but you need to be honest with us." Tony had calmed and was speaking to me as if I was a small child and I guess to this life I was. "Bella, I don't know what you are not telling us, but I have a gift. Do you know what vampire gifts are?" I nodded my head, so he continued "Bella I can tell when someone is being honest with me or not, but beyond that I can also tell when someone is not telling me everything or is hiding something from me. I do not know what people are hiding but that they are. Do you understand?" Again I nodded. I was going to have to tell him everything and I couldn't. They were going to make me leave. "Bella, we understand that there are something's that are too painful to share with others. Beth and I have things that we are not ready to open up about either. We have a long time to get to that point, but we need to have some information. Do you think you can do that? Be a little more open with us, tell us which topics are to harrowing to talk about. Unless it is imperative to know we will let it go. Maybe someday we will all feel like we can talk about those things that truly sadden and frighten us." Again I nodded to Tony. I could do that, I would make myself do that. "Okay, why don't you start about how you found out about the vampires." Quickly feeling like this is how parents should act and realizing I never had that with my own I winced.

"I moved to a small town, on my first day of school there was a group of students who did not fit in and they were very beautiful. I was always observant as a human and I noticed things that first day. It was not then that I knew. It took a while, but between discovering some local legends and the fact that one of the vampires exposed their true nature to save me I eventually did figure it out. The person who attacked me was after vengeance. Her mate was killed by the other vampires when they protected me. The other vampires had to move on and I was left alone. When I found out that Victoria was after me, I didn't want anyone to get hurt so I ran. That is when I moved into your apartment. I didn't know you were vampires, I wasn't trying to bring you any trouble." I rushed hurrying to finish my story quietly and waited for their reaction.

"Bella, we know nothing that happened was your fault. Fate, maybe but not your fault." Beth replied gently as she brushed my hair from my face. I melted into her side and let her comfort me.

"Bella, thank you for being honest with me. Can I ask you a few questions? If it is too painful you do not have to answer, Okay." Tony asked and I nodded. I would try to answer.

"Do you know why they saved you?" he asked, and at one time I thought I knew the answer but now I have no idea why and that hurt.

"I am not sure. I used to think I knew but it is to painful to think about." I whispered.

Tony nodded and continued. "What legends did you hear that helped you figure out about vampires?"

Talking about the pack was easy. "A friend of mine who is Native American, thought all of his tribes legends were mere superstitions, so he told me the legends about the 'Cold Ones' after one of his friends had confirmed that the tribe did not like this other family. Imagine his surprise that not only were those legends true but so were the ones about his tribe being werewolves." I chucked the last bit and was about to continue when both Beth and Tony gasped.

"You are friends with werewolves? Do you know how dangerous they are? A child of the moon? They left you unharmed even during the full moon?" Tony was shooting questions rapidly.

"Yes I was friends with the pack, they had protected me from Victoria. I didn't want any of them to get hurt or killed because of me. I am not sure what you mean by the moon. My friends could change anytime. Not just during the full moon. They changed to protect people. They were first spirit warriors, then they started taking the shape of wolves to fight threats to their tribe." I defended my friendship with Jacob and the others even though I knew it was over.

Tony chuckled and I gave him a curious look. "You are friends with shape shifters, not real werewolves. I am sure they think that is what they are but they are not true werewolves. However they are still dangerous and can be unpredictable, especially when they are young or angry." I am not sure what the difference was but I knew I had time to learn but not right now. I just nodded hoping he would understand that I was done talking right now. "Bella, thank you for telling us what you could. It is obvious that this all is still very fresh and hurts deeply. We are here for you now." Tony said as he moved to sit next to Beth and for a while we just sat there. For a brief moment I let the image of us one day being a family, maybe not like my last family but some kind of family. However I winced at the pain and guilt of replacing them, so I focused on the comfort Beth was offering and tried to stay in the moment.

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